


Bonding over Bandages

by Anarchy (Nerdy_JD)



Series: Bonding [1]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Triggers, Very triggering, excessive cussing, please heed my warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 06:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8239190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdy_JD/pseuds/Anarchy
Summary: You’re so weak.Cut.Ha! Pathetic, useless, you can’t even be called smart anymore. Akabane took that title.Cut.Maybe that’s why dad doesn’t treat you like a son, why would he? You’re good for nothing. You are nothing.CUT.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is pointless venting on my part. I've been clean for over a month now (new record, congrats to me) and I wanted to keep it up. So instead of sitting alone in the bathroom doing something else, I sat alone writing this.  
> If I can be productive and write something others might enjoy, why not?
> 
> Have fun reading...

__“I fucking hate you.” The words manage so snake past my shuddering lips and swirl around the cold and empty room.

I’m angry. I don’t know why and frankly, I don’t give a shit but I am. And it’s eating me alive. Every strained breath, every hiccupping cry, every shiver wracking my body. It all makes me bubble up with a loathing hate.

I can’t stand the person staring back at me, scowling, taunting, and eyes aflame with pain. I huff and the mirror fogs up.

I don’t care anymore, everything hurts from trying too much. Why? Why do I try? Why do I put up with the same annoying shit every day? Put up a fake smile, do good on your tests, don’t mess up, don’t speak out of turn, always do what’s expected of you. Isn’t what I give ever good enough?

I blink, stinging tears prickling at the corners of my eyes and my nose begins to run. I clench my fist.

_You’re so fucking weak._

Cut.

_Ha! Pathetic, useless, you can’t even be called smart anymore. Akabane took that title._

Cut.

 _Maybe that’s why dad doesn’t treat you like a son, why would he? You’re good for nothing. You_ are _nothing._

**CUT.**

My mind barely registers the glistening red dripping from my arm, a few stray tears fall from my face and I curse myself for being so soft. Stupid.

The pained skin of my arm is massacred, swollen, red, bleeding, burning. But I don’t care. I watch with a blank expression as mahogany drops fall into the pure white sink. I can’t end it. Not yet. I have responsibilities and commitments.

I cringe as my chest tightens, I always had to put others first.

I twirl the blade between my fingers. One more. One more won’t make a difference. My eyes are trained on the shining metal of the blade cutting into my skin, it burns but that’s okay. When it’s over a new line is painted on the red skin, I smile.

Could this be happiness?

* * *

“Second place-kun!” Oh god, not this idiot. Karma Akabane strolls up beside me with that infuriating grin, taunting as ever. “How are you this fine winter morning?”

I ignore the question and quicken my pace to get as much distance between us as possible. Before I get very far he grabs my arm. I wince, feeling my cuts reopen and the blood trickle into the thin layer of bandages covering them. I want to pull away, to yank my arm out of his grasp, but he’s holding on too tightly and more friction would only mean more pain.

_You deserve the pain._

“What’s wrong?” he asks and hesitates to let my arm go. But when he does I clutch it to my chest protectively.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” I mumble back. God dammit, now I have to redress it. I drop my arm to the side and fall back into my nonchalant façade before turning and walking on.

“I have more bandages.”

My steps falter and I almost trip. What did he say? He has more bandages? Does he know, did I really make it that obvious? My breath quickens with worry but it’s quickly replaced as soon as it came. Why the fuck would I care if he knows?

“I can help you redress them if you want. I'm sorry I opened them in the first place.” The last part is mumbled but what he says can still be heard as clear as day. What. The. Hell?

“Excuse me?” I asked slowly and turn my entire body to face him. He looks anxious and he’s tugging at the strap of his book bag while shifting from foot to foot. The light blush ghosting over his cheeks is also noted though it’s hard to tell if it’s from embarrassment or the nipping cold.

Whatever, I don’t care.

“Follow me.” He says, not answering my question, and bolts over the road and closer to the forest surrounding E-Class. I almost don’t go. Almost.

The redhead’s fast but I manage to keep up with him even though my lungs feel like they’re on fire. I start to regret not eating for the past two days. The thought is pushed to the back of my mind when I stumbled up to Karma and an open patch of greenery. The winter clouds cast shadows over the emerald grass, giving it a faded colour. Karma guides me to the middle where he rummages through his bag until he pulls out a small plastic sack with medical supplies

I don’t want to stay silent anymore, “How did you know?” I ask. He doesn’t look fazed by the question.

“Let’s just say you need to learn to control your reactions when someone grabs your arm.” His reply is smooth. He beckons me over and pushes my sleeve up slowly.

The white – or what used to be white – bandages are now stained a dark crimson which is spreading rather quickly. Karma cuts my messy wrappings away and peels it off, which causes a lot more pain than what I was prepared for. The blood had gone sticky and holds onto the bandages tightly. I wince when I finally see the red thickness caked over wide cuts littering my arm.

“You need stitches,” Karma notes and flashes a glance up at me, I choose to ignore it. He was right though, I realise as I examine the wounds which he busies himself cleaning. The antiseptic stings but it’s not so bad, slowly but surely Karma works the layers of dried blood away.

He then proceeds to lay clean gauze over my pale skin and wraps it up tightly. It’s neater than what it would have been if I’d attempted.

“Thank you.” I graze my hand over the white covering, or at least I want to, but Karma is quick to slap it away.

“No touching, no cutting.” My brows furrow together in annoyance and confusion.

“Yeah right.” I click my tongue and start standing up but once again Karma, and his fucking annoying reach, moves faster.

He rests his hands on either of my shoulders and keeps me down, it’s annoying and all I really want to do is get up and go to another day of mind numbing school. That was better that whatever this is.

“Look, Asano-kun. I know it’s hard–”

I cut him off, “The fuck you trying to lecture me about? You know it’s hard? Bullshit.” I forcefully push his hands off. He looks frustrated – like I give a shit.

“Gakushuu, sit your ass down and let me finish.” He reaches for my hand but I make sure to pull it away and keep it out of reach.

“Make me.” I challenge.

Which I soon regret as he tackles me to the ground. It knocks the air out of my lungs and makes me heave, his arms are wrapped around my torso while I try prying him off. It’s of no use. My struggles are proving futile and his grip stays steady.

“You think you’re useless and nobody cares,” he starts talking and the words cut through me deeper than any of my blades ever could.

“Shut the fuck up Akabane!” My thrashing gets more erratic.

“You hurt yourself because you think you deserve it, it’s the only feeling you have left.”

Even the punches to his sides and back are having no effect, “Dammit Karma, get off me!”

“And you can’t tell what’s wrong because everything feels so damn empty all the time, you end up cutting cause at least then you feel _something_.”

God Karma, please stop fucking talking!

“You wish someone would ask what’s wrong but I don’t even know what’s _not_ wrong.”

 _Please_ _stop_.

“But, shit Asano, please don’t cross that line. You might think nobody cares but _I_ _do_. I care and I really don’t want you gone.”

My newly bandaged arm is draped over my eyes, they’re wet and I'm sobbing. Fucking pathetic. Damn you Akabane. Damn you and your fucking annoying mouth that won’t stop blabbering.

“You’re an asshole, you know that.” My voice is soft and scratchy in my throat, it feels uncomfortable to talk. Hell, even breathing is taking its strain.

“I’m an asshole that knows what you’re going through.” He looks up at me and I can’t help but brush my hand through his hair, opening his face up. He’s smiling and it’s infectious. My eyes are tingling and my hands are shaking but I still muster up the energy to hold him closer. I can’t lose this anchor.

Karma tightens his hands around me, it hurts against my empty stomach but the pain is so worth the comfort. “I’m going to help you get better, okay Gakushuu?” All I can do is nod while my hand strokes over the crimson strands.

I look down at the different kind of red that’s falling through my fingers. The bright colour of blood is starting to paint a different picture.

Maybe _this_ could be happiness?

**Author's Note:**

> If you've gotten this far, then thanks for reading. I hope you liked it *sad smile*


End file.
